blaaaaaaarrrgh!!!

Well, nothing is perfect. After about 6 hours of rendering (stupid school lab computers - you can't change the computer sleep settings on them), this animation is done - sort of...
It's supposed to start with the legs walking in and yes, I am aware it is not of the best quality. I'm getting there. I finished rendering it for archives and since it took so long, I just gave up and went home for the day. But it will be remedied and put up much better soon. I think this one I'm going to reflect off of mylar too and see what happens.

so much to do

Things to do this week:
{} export new animation (render time gives me 6 hours so far...ha)
{} finish buck head mount sculpture
{} mentor meeting
{} draw
{} draw
{} ... draw some more
{} sending proposals to spaces for performances
{} create 2 more dolls


FINAL CRIT is December 15th! Work goes up on the 14th!!
Hopefully I can get the animation and photos of installation up by the end of today!

^ how I feel today...

one of three

The past couple of months I have been working on a particular set of rules from the rules of engagement :

punkin.
buckwheat.
tinkerbell.

My dad called all three of us kids that interchangeably. These terms are something that remind me of how he cared for us. I also consider them as something that represents his thoughts of us, his kids. I have been making costumes the coincide with these rules, all child's sized - a Halloween pumpkin costume, Tinkerbell wings, and rolled pants with suspenders like Buckwheat wore in Li'l Rascals. Finally, I figured out to make dolls to wear them. I thought I would make something that would kind of go with the legs I made before. There will be three and they will be suspended from the ceiling, kind of head height. I'm thinking the kind of height that Annette Messager suspends her sculptures.

Today, I finally have one mostly completed. This is the doll wearing the 'punkin' costume. I will be tailoring the costume to the doll a little more and make finishing touches on the doll like closing up seams, etc.

Here's the doll in punkin costume in my studio space at home.

burt reynolds?

So for the past couple months, I have been creating these really bad Photoshop collages (with a program that isn't even photoshop, but a free one that pretends to be) of Burt Reynolds's face put on top of my dad's face in family photographs that I have collected. The reason for Burt Reynolds is my dad's 'look' that he kept for years. The delicately placed hair and perfectly trimmed mustache. At first, it started as just a thing I was doing that coincided with the rules of engagement project. However, I've started to like them more and more as things. I've started printing them on transparencies and created mixed media works on top of that. But I am struggling with display issues as of right now.

Pretty Face, Culprit Hands 2012 Mixed Media collage - work in progress

I'm hoping to get these printed large on acetate or mylar and continue the same kind of work.

I lied...

So obviously when I said more to come soon, I lied. So much has happened. Where to start?

Well, since my last post, I had been working on a continuing list which is what I call "rules of engagement" when it comes to my dad. These are brief statements that relate to things he did, things he said to me, or just little quirks that I always remember about him.
Here is a link to the full list: http://www.caitlinpeck.com/rules-of-engagement---list.html
 From there, I began making work and I created this drawing:

The coordinating rule with this is: 'short shorts and long socks are appropriate.' because my dad wore these embarrassingly short shorts usually in an awful 80s tracksuit teal or purple and long white socks because the man didn't own any other kind of socks. I then felt the need to create this in 3 dimensions, which led to the sculpture:

Since then, the work has continued to grow. The drawing in this post and a photograph of the installation of the WAITING video on this blog (the red mask with the white background), were selected for the Portfolio section of CRED magazine, a local Philadelphia magazine featuring artists 25 years old and younger.

Much more has been done since then (this was in mid-August) and more will come soon! (this time I promise for real). But I think this is enough for this blog post for now.

becoming Janice

During my residency at Burren College of Art in Ballyvaughan, Ireland, I worked on several different projects. My favorite project from my time spent there was Becoming Janice. 'Janice' is like a separate personality I created for myself - almost like an exercise to release tension and become something other than myself in video. After having a dream about these paper tube heads with extended mouths, I decided to create them for videos and therefore, Janice came into being.

These three videos are my favorites from work in the Burren and served as a great catalyst for the new work. More to come soon!



dreamdance

earringrace

eatoatmeal

with sound (what I was missing Saturday)

Alright. So this past Saturday at critique, I meant to have this video (with sound) ready for it. But a little miscommunication happened. Here it is - comments are appreciated! I'm wondering after the conversations we were having about Gina's sound, and the other sound with my videos if I should take it out, if it is more powerful without it. What I ask you to do is please watch it first with the sound and then without and let me know which may have the best impact. I am looking to tell the viewer how to feel in contrast to the "lip-reading". But perhaps how it is displayed is enough for that and I don't need to aggravate the issue more. 

Anyway, thank you all SO much for your comments on Saturday! They have really helped and I'm excited to keep working!

and...number 3!

Last one of the day for now (no sound yet with this one either).

I am loving this white mask and black lipstick - very ghost/corpse-like. Expect more.

"53"

This is another video and sound from today. In a way, the ideas seem kind of dumb - but it's helping me get through the day too. My dad was 53 when he died...so, simple enough, I counted from 1 to 53, repeating 53 a bunch of times at the end (I'm not even sure how many). It's such a simple idea, and maybe it doesn't work. but like I said, sometimes it just helps to do things and I figured I would let you all know what I'm doing and feel free to give feedback, please.

(April 4th - Improved the sound. Much better!)

happy birthday dad

Today is my dad's birthday. He would be 56. So today, I had off of work and worked on some videos I have been thinking about with the white mask - and I found some black lipstick to go with it! Thank you wet 'n wild. There will be sound to this by the end of the evening, I hope. But just in case I don't get to that, here it is for comments. I'm in the middle of editing more - they will be up soon!

The Void

New video and sound. The sounds are based out of a narrative from memory. 

They are separate, but yet, I think they compliment each other. 

I don't think I have much else I want to say about it. 

white mask finished

OK, last week was really REALLY rough. But I finally have my mornings back to work on art and play catch-up. The white mask (made out of used dryer sheets) is done. Since the text transfers work so well on them too, I'm thinking of making a second mask (different design) with text on it as well. Videos will be coming soon.

watch "Cherry Blossoms"...NOW!

So I watched "Cherry Blossoms" tonight, directed by Doris Dorrie. The film is absolutely breath-taking and so touching. This is an excerpt from the movie - a beatiful scene where a Butoh dancer, Yu explains Butoh to Rudi as he roams Japan after the loss of his wife. As soon as I saw it, I literally jumped out of my seat and said, "Why didn't I know about this before?!" I know I posted about this already, but this scene pretty much summed up what I want to do with Butoh and how I think it would be helpful to use it (both as a means of conveying a message and for myself). The clip is a little long - you really only have to watch the first half of it to know what I'm talking about. I still have the movie from the library until the 23rd - movie night anyone?

I like this

I think I'm going to live with this for a little before I decide if it is complete. But I really like the idea: the music is from Puccini's "Madame Butterfly". It is one of the most famous arias of the opera - "Un bel di", which means "one beautiful day". For those of you not familiar with the opera, the song is from the second act as Butterfly (a young Japanese woman) waits years and years with no sign for Pinkerton, her American husband who left her to find a "decent" American wife (the story goes that he only married her out of convenience until he could find another wife). This is the song she sings as she excitedly dreams about meeting with Pinkerton again.



The idea of waiting and waiting and the ritual that comes with waiting/greiving - that's what I'm thinking about.

We all have our falls...

Ok. So I tried a new attempt at the first video I did with the hand. I'll be honest -- I don't like it. There are parts I like: when my hand is profile and my fingers are just barely moving. So maybe I'll work with that alone? It is definitely not finished, but I certainly don't like where it is going. The more I work on it, the more I think about the first one I did - how can I make it like that one? What am I doing wrong? And then I thought, maybe the first one is the one I choose? - Perhaps I needed to attempt to make this idea more complete in order to realize it was already complete. I think I'm going to go back to the first and see what I may want to do with it. I just thought I would post this up here to let you know what I have been working on (even if unsuccessful).

new favorite thing

So facebook did something good for a change. A friend from undergrad that I haven't spoken to in a while is working out in Pittsburgh and she posted a video of a Butoh dance performed by Kazuo Ohno - I'm obsessed! I started reading about butoh, the history, the significance, what it means. This is perfect. Here is one of Kazuo Ohno - so beautiful, so incredible.

I definitely want to explore this medium more and use it in videos. Paul's wife, Jackie has a list of places I could go to dance that I could use to practice this new medium. Perhaps she may even know some butoh dancers? I am very excited about this. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!

definitely in progress...but...

This is definitely in progress, but I thought I would post it up here to give it some time by Saturday when we meet to talk about our work. I definitely plan on adding sound to this one. It doesn't quite work without it. I'm thinking chopped up reading/music -- or perhaps something really smooth to contrast the jumpiness of the video? I'll try both options.
I have another mask in the works (first I have to find where I put it...wah wah) for another video.

I also just got some gifts for myself via Amazon:
Women & Experimental Filmmaking edited by Jean Petrolle and Virginia Wright Wexamn
Feelings are Facts: A Life by Yvonne Rainer
Foul Perfection: Essays and Criticism by Mike Kelley
I'm so excitied to start!

rough edges

So this is the newest video. It's really rough and I'll probably do it over again, but I want to get in better practice of posting on here and posting some kind of video every week. The past two weeks were really rough, but I'm looking for ways to get into a better and more regular studio practice (especially since my work schedule became much fuller).

So I was at Utrecht last week and saw this gold mylar and absolutely had to have it! It is beautiful, and so reflective. I decided I wanted to use it as a background for some new videos.
I started thinking about the book I have been reading, "Severance" - the writer puts together two seemingly separate ideas: 1. The head remains conscious for 1.5 minutes after decapitation. 2. In a state of high emotion, we speak 160 words per minute.The video is just me sitting for 1.5 minutes - what goes through my mind? What am I thinking? How do I interact with my surroundings? It is an idea I would like to develop a little more, but something about the rawness of this particular video I like. Again, I know, no sound. A lot of times I change the speed in my videos and my program deletes the sound once I make that change. It's something I will be working on. Unless the video works without sound...thoughts?

big step today

Filled out my Right-to-Know form today. Yeah, apparently it is just a form that you fill out and send. Then they tell you if you are approved for the copies or not. Sending it in the morning. I'm also going to contact the family friend tomorrow to let him know that I am sending the RTK form to see if things can move faster for me. Wish me luck.

finished video

Alright. I finally put some sound to it and I think it might be finished now. I think I'm going to put a different title to it. Not "baby steps" - that was just the phrase that inspired the whole thing.

As far as sound with the other ones...Some I like without the sound. I think the first video I posted with the flour is much more powerful without sound.

In other news, I've also started a new project. I have a sheet of fabric perhaps about 10 feet long. I am embroidering text into it that I've written that are like letters to my father. They're not legible because I'm using this thread I found somewhat like fishing line and it tangles a lot (which is good). I will be wrapping myself in it every night for at least a month - hopefully to have some evidence of living with it. The whole piece circles around the idea of living with something. 

The Suicide Index

I've had this book for about two years and never read all the way through it. The writer, Joan Wickersham also went through her father's unexpected suicide. It goes through the police reports and looks at suicide from a kind of dry, scientific level. I've used it for research here and there but this week, the goal is to read through the entire thing.

another collectible for my video sketchbook

 

Alright. Two more videos today. With the first, Pressure, I thought more about what my feet were actually doing. And I think I thought too much. But I do really like the parts where you can see the pressure coming through my feet and the floor almost pushing back. So that's cool. Also, I learned from the first and marked out the frame boundaries with tape -- so that was a good learning experience.

In a way, I see this like a video sketchbook. Video has become something that feeds into my impulsive nature with ideas and the chance to have the "just do it" mentality. I'm starting to consider video more and more as a means to explore and consider my options. After all, I never tried video before -- what do I have to lose?

Now the second one I consider almost like a trailer for the finished product. I like the idea: expressing a narrative through the movement and tensions within the hand. But I want it to be longer. I want more meat to it, but not too much. For now I have called it The Birth, Life, and Death of a Man I Knew. 



taking baby steps...

It's interesting what a high amount of stress and coincidental quotations of forgiveness and happiness will do to you. I started thinking about my dad, the process of grief, the means to make like normal again. Although, most of us know by now that it never returns to normal, we can only trick our brains to think it is. I guess that's part of the obsession when I think about it: my dad wasn't too apparent in my life to begin with, so sometimes I don't realize that he isn't gone, and then when I do, I go through the grief all over again. 

So with that, I started thinking about the process of getting over it, which seems harsh, but it's what we as a society always say...I think I'm getting into a whole new category here...

This video is an experimentation of what it means to take "baby steps". I thought I would start pulling from my dance background and utilize my feet to show pressure, instability, stress, control, attempts of control, etc. I still want to do more with the video itself, but at home I only have the very basic movie editor -- so I'll be hitting the computer lab tomorrow. 

Oops!

Sorry everyone! I uploaded the video to YouTube and set it to private, thinking that if I still posted it on my blog it would work. Wrong. So it should be working now. It's limited so you can only view if you have the link.

first video

This is the video that I tried to show all of you in class on Saturday. I appreciate feedback -- you can email your comments too if you want. This scares the pants off of me to become so vulnerable in my work but it needs to happen. I feel as if I have been hiding behind my work and it's time to let it all out there.

                The whole video is about 4 minutes. I see this as something that would be projected on a wall in a loop; so if you don't watch the whole thing, no big deal. I'm still working with a couple of ideas for sound too. 

studio space

So here is part one of my studio space. In fact, I've taken over my entire apartment. But here is where a lot of construction happens.

 

And of course, let's not forget my collection (although this is just a selected chunk)